Coach Steph's Pre-disclosure process™
Professionals, please email Coach Stephanie Lynn if you are interested in using this approach with your clients.
step by step
If you feel ready, please follow these step-by-step instructions carefully. Your actions and accountability moving forward are important. These steps are designed to ensure you are fully prepared to begin.
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Assignments for disclosers will be labeled as "For discloser."
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Assignments for betrayed partners will be labeled as "For betrayed partner."
Discloser: Feel free to book sessions with Jordan if you need support in preparing for these steps.
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Please have all assignments ready by our 4-way meeting appointment.
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Try to keep assignments private until our 4-way meeting
For couple, Step 1: Explore
Click the “About” tab and watch the videos. Take your time and make sure you’re ready to create and provide safety for your partner. This is a serious and demanding process. Please understand that only about 1 in 5 people successfully provide a disclosure. It’s okay to watch the videos more than once or break them up into smaller sessions.
1: Assignment for discloser (after watching the videos): Please take notes on what you learned. These notes will be needed for your first session.
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2: Assignment for discloser: Click the "Partner Feedback" tab and read the current recommendations and reviews from other partners. Write down your "takeaways" from at least two reviews. What insights did you gain from what others have shared?
For discloser, Step 2: Emotional maturity prep list
Assignment for discloser: Please write a response to each.​ We invite you to take time to reflect deeply:
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Are you ready to be vulnerable and share a version of your past self that you may not be proud of?
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Are you ready to attempt to create safety for your partner?
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Do you understand that this is a starting point for your partner’s safety, but not a guarantee for a fresh start or erasing the past? This is not a "quick fix."
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Do you agree not to hold this process over your partner’s head once it's completed (should this urge arise)?
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Are you ready to share your secrets with your partner?
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Are you prepared to be uncomfortable at times?
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Are you ready to work with your support team to drop your walls and become more open to vulnerability, and/or reduce defensiveness?
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This can be difficult—are you open to learning techniques (and possibly continuing to work with your support team) to take full responsibility for your actions, minimizing the chances of falling into shame?
For discloser, Step 3: Set up a 30-minute introduction session with Coach Jordan
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This session will be a brief meeting to ensure you're comfortable working together.
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You'll have a quick, honest conversation about readiness to be honest, perspective-taking, and willingness to practice empathy.
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Feel free to ask Coach Jordan any questions that will help you feel confident in choosing him as your guide.
-Click here to book
For betrayed partner, Step 4
If you haven’t already had a complimentary session with Coach Stephanie, please schedule a one-time session. This will be a 20-minute session to ensure you’re comfortable with her as your guide. Be sure to ask any questions you have about her coaching. She will also briefly explain the process of a full disclosure. Click here to book.
For couple, Step 5
This occurs after appointments are completed. Take your time to consider if this is what is truly needed. Be ready to commit and move forward together. Each person should be 100% ready to "trust the process." If you are both in a place where this is the right step, please have the discloser (the person with problematic sexual behavior, SA/PA)
email Stephlynn3222@gmail.com expressing your interest in beginning the process.
For discloser, Step 6: For discloser to try and be a "Polygraph supporter."
This process is very meaningful and can make the person disclosing feel vulnerable, which is understandable. We recognize that this may be the first time you're disclosing past sexual behaviors. Please be prepared to approach the idea of completing a polygraph immediately after your disclosure with an open mind.
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Understand that "your word" may have been impacted by betrayal, so any actions that support what you say will be very helpful for your partner. Some people in recovery also use a polygraph as an accountability tool for themselves, in support of addressing their problematic sexual behaviors. Be the voice that invites your partner to feel comfortable asking for a polygraph, or the one that welcomes the idea.
For discloser, Step 7: Prepare a “willingness letter/statement”
Please have this statement ready for our first group session, where you, your partner, and both coaches will join the Zoom call. In this statement, you will read aloud to us about your commitment to being honest, peaceful, and open to practicing empathy to the best of your ability.
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Reflect on the time during your acting out or living a secret double life, when you may have acted selfishly and lacked consideration for anyone, especially your partner. During this period, your partner was suffering, and their consent was completely disregarded.
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Please use the practice of perspective-taking to write your statement. While we understand you can never fully comprehend the depth of your partner’s hurt, try to express how your actions have affected them. Consider how you will take this process seriously and how your actions will show more than your words.
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When writing, come from your heart, not from a place of “what sounds nice.” Also, remember that a disclosure polygraph is not a 100% guarantee that your relationship will recover. Once betrayal has occurred, it can have lasting consequences, and this process is more of an offering to the person you hurt. Keep this in mind as you write your statement.
For discloser, Step 8: What to bring to the Group meeting.
This session will include Coach Stephanie, Coach Jordan, and the couple. It will be a four-person Zoom meeting where we will go over the disclosure process. Please coordinate dates and times when you, as a couple, will be available.
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For the discloser, please have the following ready to share:
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Emotional maturity prep list, with your responses
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Willingness letter/statement
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Takeaways from the "Disclosure Info" tab
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Takeaway from the "Partner Feedback" tab